This is the first of hopefully many letters that I'll start publishing here. Some will be in Swedish, some for officials, some to total strangers, some to people I love, and some to people I have yet to forgive. I have much to say to many, and this way I could keep this blog active while making peace with my past, present and future perfect.
A love letter...
I woke up at night, walked around the house like a thirsty madman in search of water. I was barely looking for anything, I just loved coming back to bed to lay beside her warm shoulder, knowing that in the next few seconds, we will scramble our tired bodies so that she'd lay her head on my chest, with our arms and legs entangled in a most comfortable position. As soon as we sleep away our embrace, ill wake up and walk back, and will do the whole thing once again. And when I finally surrender my sleepless body to deep sleep, she rolls around, and makes sure that she adjusts our bodies back.
Her breath smells like a faint after taste of white chocolate, and her heart is bigger than all of my absurdities and imperfections. She listens to me speaking three different languages to her, and she understands what is beyond all the words. She plays along, she speaks to my soul, she is the last of the endangered species of an independent, intelligent romantic in a world of lame commercial hedonism.
I'd lose count of nights, and sense of time, while I wait for her to come barging through the front door. The longer the distance, the longer the wait, the more intense our love elates. The longer the talks, the quieter the walks, the more our understanding deepens. And in between the depth and the elevation, I am loving this bipolarity of being two, giving and taking as we become one.
When I drop half the items off the store's shelf, she'd laugh with me. When I am the last to leave the party, she's laying down waiting for me, when I go out for a swim, she'll dip in with me, whether its - or + 20. She entwines a love story in my mad plot. She's always eager, always keen, and she keeps my heart kicking, my body ticking, and my soul afloat.
This is my love letter to the one I have only found and always lost.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
I died two weeks ago
I died two weeks ago. I had a wife and a daughter, I was 34, and was the first among my peers to die. I've seen them come and throw flowers on my grave before I was resurrected. Then I've seen how my own death changed their perspective on what's important and what's not. I became some sort of a silent angel, with yellow flowers growing behind my ears, and long white wings, like a greek god. I've seen my daughter grow with another father, I saw her lose her mother, I've seen an olden family house that once was full of life, I've seen how people turned to hobbies, got heart attacks from working or studying too much, and I've seen others eat eve's fruit before they died.
This was a real mind opening experience. In a short simulation where I was born again, and made my choices from scratch, where I had another chance, where I was a carpenter, and a university dropout. Where I was denied life, but learned to embrace it, after I died.
This was only one part of a life-workshop I took part in, in the beautiful Danish North Zealand city of Helsingör, with 20 other "people at crossroads" from all over Europe, aged 23-63.
We learned what it meant to be alive, not by lectures, but by reliving it. We also learned how valuable it is to go out and ask strangers for validation: we had a task to exchange one needle to stuff of a higher value, and many of us ended up with a bag full of worthy stuff in less than two hours.
We also learned trust - as we stage dived on bare hands, also feeling like greek emperors and empresses. We drew ourselves, our pains, our dreams, the happiest versions of ourselves, and wrote a "cook book" for achieving the desired happiness: tools, ingredients, and processes.
We learned that empathy only comes when we drop our egos, and then uncovered unimaginable levels of appreciation, of love, of humanity, of happiness, of music. Never before have I really believed that love can achieve so much, the unbelievable, the unimaginable. Random acts of love - like being a secret guardian angel to an unknown stranger.
We learned building consensus despite severe divides over what is moral and what is not, over judging and none-judgement, we learned the value of the consensus commitment.
This was all part of an EU funded workshop, at the Danish International Peoples College's entitled "At a crossroads" . Well worth spending every second of my vacation time, the changes it left me with are for a lifetime, and so are the friendships, and not least the love, the forgiveness, and the appreciation of just merely being alive.
And so began my seasons of love.... a life not measurable with years, days, coffee cups, laughter or strife... a life only measured by amounts of love.
This was a real mind opening experience. In a short simulation where I was born again, and made my choices from scratch, where I had another chance, where I was a carpenter, and a university dropout. Where I was denied life, but learned to embrace it, after I died.
This was only one part of a life-workshop I took part in, in the beautiful Danish North Zealand city of Helsingör, with 20 other "people at crossroads" from all over Europe, aged 23-63.
We learned what it meant to be alive, not by lectures, but by reliving it. We also learned how valuable it is to go out and ask strangers for validation: we had a task to exchange one needle to stuff of a higher value, and many of us ended up with a bag full of worthy stuff in less than two hours.
We also learned trust - as we stage dived on bare hands, also feeling like greek emperors and empresses. We drew ourselves, our pains, our dreams, the happiest versions of ourselves, and wrote a "cook book" for achieving the desired happiness: tools, ingredients, and processes.
We learned that empathy only comes when we drop our egos, and then uncovered unimaginable levels of appreciation, of love, of humanity, of happiness, of music. Never before have I really believed that love can achieve so much, the unbelievable, the unimaginable. Random acts of love - like being a secret guardian angel to an unknown stranger.
We learned building consensus despite severe divides over what is moral and what is not, over judging and none-judgement, we learned the value of the consensus commitment.
This was all part of an EU funded workshop, at the Danish International Peoples College's entitled "At a crossroads" . Well worth spending every second of my vacation time, the changes it left me with are for a lifetime, and so are the friendships, and not least the love, the forgiveness, and the appreciation of just merely being alive.
And so began my seasons of love.... a life not measurable with years, days, coffee cups, laughter or strife... a life only measured by amounts of love.
arriving to the IPC with my lovely GF
Taking a rest at the Louisiana Museum of Modern Arts
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| Stage diving 1 - the trust game |
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| Stage diving 2: the trust game |
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| Group Photo |
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