Finding strength when living in limbo...

...limbo is not a place, it is the state of mind. The place, though, is Lidingö, the island where I choose to live temporarily under this limbo period. It is just east of Stockholm city central, and is linked to it by two bridges, one for trams, cyclists and pedestrians and one for cars and buses, as seen below.

Live up on that hill, just right at the eastern side of the bridge.

The situation is as this. Me and the "ex wife" have been physically, legally, and emotionally separated for a few months now, and I needed an escape, a change of location, so I moved to an apartment in this fancy, healthy island.

Now, I live with "Donna Magadi Guru" - a friend that inspires me everyday to come up with something fun to do. She's half Polish, half Hungarian, born and raised in Gothenburg on the west coast of Sweden, and has lived in Central America, Poland and other places around the world - a la globe trotter. At home, we speak Arabic, English, Swedish, Polish, Hungarian and bits and pieces of Spanish, Italian, French and German. We listen to music from Brazil to Japan, and play on Instruments from Africa, India, South US, Scandinavia and the Middle East.

Me and Magdi on one of those nightouts with friends.

Our average day consists of breakfast with espresso, experimental dinner with friends over wine, a walk through autumns colors, a bit of yoga, some musical jamming on exotic drums and an acoustic guitar, and deep discussions as this one - recorded exclusively for the readers of this blog :)

Sound file: Rami and Donna Magadi Guru go ballisitic on drums on one of those night-ins

Meanwhile, my life is undergoing a recycle. I am no longer with the same woman that I loved. I thought it would end amicably, but I was wrong, it was a break up of the worst kind - and I will restrict to saying that I have only myself to blame. The next picture, probably symbolizes best where I stand, on a wall, between two edges, getting recycled. If I fall on one edge I'd be crushed by speeding motors, and if I fell on the other I'd be crushed by huge machines, so I have to maintain a good balance and a great zen, walking right on the edge - figuratively speaking.


On our doorstep, there is a note on the outside that reads: "No advertisements please... We love Spotify, spicy food and....," and a reminder on the inside that reads: "money - transport card - keys - cigarettes - mobile phone and LOVE." You've got to take the love that we have in and spread it out into the world.

The reminder on the front door's inside

This is probably one of the lessons I've learned recently, through the tough part of breaking up, that one could work all his life for a dream, literally, and lose it all in a split second because of a moment when we let our selfishness and hate take over our kindness and love. It is a lesson that hopefully will not hurt me forever, but it would be a scar that I have to wear inside for the rest of my life. Wisdom sometimes comes the hard way, and that way it comes to stay. Part of the personal development - I keep telling myself, as I live in this state of limbo, where I do not know how my future will look like.

Speaking of doors. Just when I worked all my life to open one door, it closed wide shut right at the last step. So I looked around, and I looked back, and I saw lots of hard work, all documented all the way, and through it I saw a new light, a new hope and another door opened, a little longer, with a few new bumps. It is by no way a short cut, and it is clouded with uncertainty. But I am closer to that door than any other, and most importantly, I am independent and the door keeper waved at me to walk that way - the independent way.

Unfortunately, in the process, and under this state of limbo - I cannot travel to see my family, and I had to miss my beautiful sister's wedding. But I will make it up for her, and good that my family understands my situation.

Rania Abdelrahman, my sister, tied the knot last friday.

However, now I walk alone - with lots of love from friends and family, but I walk alone. I am learning forgiveness, and just when we learn to forgive, we find the light of our lives. This period will prove to be the most beautiful, yet the hardest, and through love and hurt, hardships and ease, music and silence, we live life to the maximum extent, and gain character and wisdom. Who knows, maybe I will become a wizard one day. :)

I find faith in going solo.